Hi Reader,
Yesterday afternoon an ARC (advance reader copy) dropped into my mailbox. This one is the new T. Kingfisher book, Hemlock & Silver, which appears to be fantasy retelling of Snow White.
When I pulled it out of its envelope, I did what I always do when I receive a new book: I read the back jacket copy, flipped it over in my hands a few times, studied the cover, then cracked it open to read the first few lines.
Here’s the opening line I found waiting for me: I had just taken poison when the king arrived to inform me that he had murdered his wife.
The line about knocked my socks off. What a way to begin a book! So many questions! Why is this character taking poison? Why is the king informing them? Why did he murder his wife? And how and...
If a line like that doesn’t have you wanting to read more, then I applaud your ability to silence the need-to-know centers of your brain. Because here’s the thing: we humans are hard-wired to need to know what happens next.
There’s a reason some stories hook us and some don’t and the trick—especially in today’s TikTok, fast-reward, video content era--is activating the neurotransmitter dopamine.
Dopamine is like a literal drug…addictive, all-consuming, and euphoric. It is released when we experience pleasurable activities like eating, sex, drug & alcohol use, and it functions as a reward system, causing us to reinforce these behaviors and seek them out. Dopamine also helps us feel motivated, is involved in attention and focus, and is linked to feelings of happiness, well-being, and euphoria.
Intense curiosity—like the sort that arises from a shocking opening line like Kingfisher’s—triggers dopamine’s release. And as you continue to read, following your curiosity, your brain rewards you with this neurotransmitter so that you have the chance to learn something you need to know.
Our brains reward us with this neurotransmitter because stories are how we learn how to live. We seek to understand how best to live by examining the lives of others. In the caveperson era, stories could be the difference between life or death. Think: Don’t eat those berries. Bob did and he died. Or Rocky left the cave at night and something bad happened to him.
In short: humans are designed to be hooked into stories.
But only if you activate the centers of our brain that crave needing to know what happens next.
There is no place more important for you to hook your readers than the first page. The first paragraph. The first line.
I began my querying journey earlier this month, and my experience so far has only underscored the importance of these opening pages. Particularly the first page. Agents are super busy and they do not get paid to read the slush pile. It shouldn’t be a surprise, then, that some might not even read the full ten pages that most request. In fact, one agent I queried required only the first three pages. Three! Some might stop at the first page. Or even the first paragraph. So you have to wow them and wow them quick. (And even if you’re not seeking a traditional publishing deal, it’s still up to you to hook your readers so that they will keep turning pages, getting more and more invested in your book.)
Last month I sent out a survey asking y’all about what free training you’d like to see from me this spring. Unanimously, the one requested was all about writing a killer opening. Because of this and as I navigate my own querying journey, I’m going to be doing a deep dive into openings over the next few weeks—including a live training (date and time TBD).
Today, let’s briefly talk about opening lines.
Let’s look at a couple of examples of attention-grabbing opening lines all from books published (or publishing) this year, starting with the one above:
“I had just taken poison when the king arrived to inform me that he had murdered his wife.” (Hemlock and Silver by T. Kingfisher; sci-fi/fantasy)
“One thing needs to be made clear: I did not kill my twin sister.” (Julie Chan Is Dead by Liann Zhang; mystery/thriller)
“Meredith Wren, a fucking asshole, not that it matters at this stage of the narrative but it’s worth pointing out, sat blinded by the overhead lights from the stage, squinting unflatteringly into the brand-new, state-of-the-art auditorium that had just been completed on Tyche’s unethically verdant campus.” (Gifted & Talented by Olivie Blake; sci-fi/fantasy)
“If you’re reading this, chances are last year you flipped on the news and saw me getting shoved to my knees in the dirt, hands wrested behind my back, gun-toting FBI agents swarming like ants around me into that three-story house.” (This Book Will Bury Me by Ashley Winstead; mystery/thriller)
“This baby will not stop judging me.” (Promise Me Sunshine by Cara Bastone; romance)
“Louisa is a teenager, the best kind of human.” (My Friends by Fredrik Backman; literary fiction)
“’You want me to do what?’ I asked.” (Say You’ll Remember Me by Abby Jimenez; romance)
I chose books published this year because I think it’s best to use recent examples of what publishers are putting into the world right now. That way we know what is working—or what they think will work—in the marketplace.
What do you notice about each of these examples?
For me, it’s three things…your recipe for a successful opening line:
1. Trouble
2. Intrigue
3. Voice
Let’s get into them.
1. Trouble
Each of these examples alerts the reader that something wrong is afoot…that there is trouble brewing or recently-hatched. Poison and a murdered queen. A dead twin sister. An asshole standing on a blinding stage on an “unethically” verdant campus. Someone getting arrested. A judgmental baby. A probably-ridiculous request.
There’s some kind of conflict in play in six out of the seven of these examples. Characters in trouble—however loose or relaxed the definition of trouble. Something is not as it should be. Expectations are not being met for some reason. The sense of dread, conflict, trouble, etc. is what engages the brain, makes it snap to attention, activating the rush of dopamine that comes with seeking answers.
2. Intrigue
An effect of trouble, all of these examples do a great job of inviting questions for the reader to consider: they create intrigue. We want to know what happened or what’s happening. Why a character was arrested. What the other character in the room is asking of the protagonist. Why Meredith is an asshole and why it doesn’t matter now but it will matter later. And with Backman’s line about teenagers, we have upended expectations that cause us to wonder what he means, whether he’s going to explain himself.
We are pulled into the scenes, determined to have ourselves a little peek to see whether we can figure out what’s going on. Our brain’s need-to-know center is piqued, priming us for that dopamine release.
Look at your first sentence and see whether you can start with intrigue—something surprising, something funny, something mysterious, something unusual. Something that will getting the readers to ask questions about what is happened and why.
3. Voice
Opening with a line that is dripping with voice is a great way to hook readers—especially when paired with trouble and intrigue.
Look back at each of the above examples. Do you notice how the word choices made by the authors tells us something about the narrators and/or POV characters? The directness of the character in Julie Chan Is Dead. The scathing bitterness in Olivie Blake’s book. The wry sense of humor in a character feeling judged by a baby. The tongue-in-cheek voice of Backman’s narrator.
You can hear something about each of these characters right from the get-go. The authors are, essentially, leading with character. Regardless of the genre they’re writing.
How can you infuse more voice, more character into your first line? Try getting into the character’s head, showing us their unique perspective on what they are seeing or doing. The better you know your character, the easier this should be.
There you have it, three quick tips for a killer opening line. Next week we are going to broaden this to the opening page. And stay tuned for an update on my free training on openings.
Until then, happy writing!
Karyn
P.S. Loving these emails? Buy me a cup of tea to say thanks. Or you can book a free 30-min story strategy chat here if you're interested in getting specific help with your book.
Granite Bay, CA
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