Hi Reader,
The other day, I watched the new Netflix movie That Christmas and this line struck me: “I always think that Christmas is a bit like an emotional magnifying glass. If you feel loved and happy, Christmas will make you feel even happier and more loved. But if you feel alone and unloved, the magnifier gets to work and makes all those bad things bigger and worse.”
Whether you celebrate Christmas or not, there’s a bit of truth to the quote. If you’re stressed in life, this time of year might also amplify that emotion as well. The end of the calendar year, I think, has a way of causing us to reflect on our year. It’s when all of the “best of the year” lists come out.
And, as writers, sometimes it’s hard not to fall into the trap of comparison. That author got a publishing deal. This author got an agent. They sold more books than me. Their writing is so much better than mine. You get the picture. It’s this trap of comparison that I want to talk about a bit in today’s newsletter. Specifically, how to use comparison productively as a writer, instead of in a toxic way.
But first, in the spirit of pause and reflect, I wanted to drop my annual survey. I’m eager to learn what you find most valuable, and how I can better serve you in 2025. It should take only a minute or two to fill out, and if you do you will be entered to win one of three free mini Pitch Package Evaluations. What do I mean by a “mini” Pitch Package evaluation? Well, I’ll look at your query letter, synopsis, and first ten pages, and give you one round of feedback on each of them. If you’re planning to query in 2025, this is a great opportunity to get a former agent’s opinion on what’s working in your pitch package.
You can fill it out here and be entered to win.
Also coming up soon, I’m getting ready to run my 12-week revision workshop, Revision Confidence in the New Year. If you’re planning to publish or query in 2025, I hope you’ll consider joining me. (I’ll be revising alongside you!)
Okay, now let’s chat about comparison.
“Comparison is the thief of joy.”
Have you heard this incredibly true quote? Think of social media, and all the pictures and videos of people living their “best” lives. If they make you feel like garbage, you’re not alone. While it’s absolutely important to remember that you’re only seeing someone’s highlight reel, there’s a better way to consider others’ successes.
As writers, when we see publishing announcements, or books that are better or worse or mildly similar to the one we’re writing, it’s hard not to compare their journey with ours. It’s a piece of human nature to desire, and—whether we like it or not—to desire what others have.
When we draw comparisons between other writers and ourselves, it can go one of two ways: it can light a fire of possibility and inspiration within us, or it can send us swirling down the drain of painful self-doubt and criticism.
Let’s say two aspiring authors walk into a bookstore. The first steps in, completely in awe of the books on the shelves. They touch the spines reverently. They thumb through pages marveling at how someone could churn out 400 pages of writing. Inspiration strikes. They feel fired up—that if this author could do it, maybe they can too. Maybe they take this inspiration and go home and learn, study, grow, find community, practice. Maybe their comparison pushes them further than they imagined they could have gone.
The other person might also look reverently at the books. But maybe, upon reading a poetic piece of prose, or stumbling across a concept that is so creative it practically shimmers, they feel hopeless. Unable to compete. Their view of their own creativity and self-worth shrivels at the thought of writing a masterpiece. The give up their work in progress, or stop writing all together, utterly convinced that there’s no way they’ll ever make it.
Who is comparing more productively?
I’m not going to suggest you just stop comparing yourself to others. I just don’t think it’s possible. Instead, I encourage you to compare in a productive manner.
How can we do that? Well, in her forthcoming book, Open When…Dr. Julie Smith, a clinical psychologist, offers some suggestions that I think can apply to writers:
1. Keep a clear focus on the specific skill you envy in their performance.
So, as you’re looking at another author’s characterization or dialogue that you find particularly moving, try to consider how you might learn the skill that you so admire. Crack open their book, analyze. Seek a craft book on the subject. Ask questions, get help.
The other piece of this is compartmentalizing your comparison. Remember, if an author is particularly successful, it’d be easy to imagine that they’re successful at everything, that they have the perfect life, and are making millions of dollars, and never struggle to form a sentence or piece a plot together. Not so. “Do not make a global comparison between your whole self and there’s.”
2. Prime yourself with a growth mindset
Remember that you, too have the ability to learn and improve and grow. You can acquire the skills to tighten your prose and write witty dialogue. If you approach comparison with this in mind, you will be more inspired to keep going, to push yourself harder. Your writing skills are not fixed. In fact, in the author’s note in Kristin Hannah’s brilliant The Women, she mentions having come up with the idea of writing a Vietnam war story many years ago. But, looking back, she knew she wasn’t as adept a writer—she didn’t have the skill she does now—to tackle such a meaty subject. Even successfully published writers have a growth mindset.
3. Your self-worth remains non-negotiable at all times
We can all find someone who is better than us at things. Maybe Jane Doe is better at marketing her book. But if your comparison to her makes you question your value, then it’s much to lift yourself out of despair. What others can and cannot do (or are or are not doing) should never tell you how much you are worth as a human or as an author.
4. Compare yourself with someone with a similar skill level, rather than someone who is vastly different.
If you’re a new writer, then it’s enormously unproductive to compare yourself to Hemingway or (insert prolific published author you enormously adore). Some writers have been honing their craft for decades. I’d apply this to genre and era of writing as well. If you’re writing a steamy romance, then don’t compare yourself to Virginia Wolf. Compare yourself to another steamy romance author who’s writing today.
5. Compare yourself with you from yesterday
Did you improve? Did you work or practice or write today? Did you figure out a new way to describe a pounding pulse or a sunny day? Or did you stay stagnant? Tracking your progress is a great way to see how far you’ve come. And chances are, if you compare your earlier writing to what you’re writing now, especially if you’ve learned or gotten feedback, your writing will be much better.
6. Reconnect with your values
When we get stuck in the comparison trap, we can lose sight of our “why.” Why do we come to the page? Why do we feel the desire to write? What’s the point of all of this? So when we start to spiral, a great way to come back up to earth is to remind yourself why you’re writing this book. Why you must write. What writing means to you. Your values matter much more than what others are doing, and what toxic social media is telling you you should be doing.
Whether you’re comparing yourself to other writers, or you’re looking at other family’s holiday cards or home décor, or you’re comparing what gifts you’re getting or receiving to those that others are giving or receiving…I hope you come back to this and remember that there’s a more productive way to compare.
And I hope that you use the success of others to lift you up to where you want to be.
Want More?
Fill out my end-of-the-year survey and be entered to win one of three free mini Pitch Package Evaluations.
Stay tuned for more information coming soon about my revision workshop starting in January or get on the interest list here.
If you're struggling with your character or book and want help, I'd love to chat! I can help you untangle plot problems, home in on your book's heart, or brainstorm ideas with you. Book a free 30-minute story strategy chat here.
Happy Writing!
Karyn
P.S. Loving these emails? Buy me a cup of tea to say thanks. Or you can book a free 30-min story strategy chat here if you're interested in getting specific help with your book.
Granite Bay, CA
Unsubscribe · Preferences